Regarding the Wendy’s Baconator

My friend Angela: “I was wondering if you’d considered reviewing the Wendy’s Baconator, a half-pound burger that boasts six — that’s right, six — slices of bacon.”

Me: “Okay.”

Because, as it just so happens, I’ve already had one.

A couple of weeks ago I went to get the oil in my car changed. The guy said it would take about half an hour.

“That’s perfect,” I said. “That’s how long it’ll take me to go get some lunch.”

So I started walking to Wendy’s.

As I got closer, I found myself lost in a mirage not unlike those suffered by lost desert travelers who think they see water in the distance.

I thought I saw a poster in the window for something preposterously called “The Baconator.” And with each step I took, new details of the illusion emerged. Two perfect Wendy’s burger patties, to the tune of half a pound? Two slices of succulent cheese? And six pieces of bacon.

“If only such a thing existed,” thought my beleaguered, weary mind.

But when I got to the restaurant I saw that it hadn’t been an illusion at all. The Baconator was real, and all my dreams had come true.

Let’s review.

The Baconator has half a pound of burger, split between two expertly prepared patties. There’s a big slice of cheese on top of each patty, with the top slice sleeping the sleep of angels beneath a blanket of six pieces of crispy, perfectly cooked bacon.

The underside of the top half of the fancy bun glistens under of a sheen of generously spread mayo, which in turn is drizzled with a tasty dazzle of Lycopene-bearing ketchup.

The bacon was arranged in such a magical way that every bite was packed with a porky punch. And yet, even with all that meat, The Baconator never tasted overwhelming.

In fact, I think it might have been perfect. The mayo and the ketchup provide just the right amount of sassy zip and zippy zap.

So if you find yourself in need of a leaning tower of burger, pork, cheese, and fatty condiments wrangled between a big, fancy bun, cruise on in to your local Wendy’s and give The Baconator a spin.

What are you eating? Because I’d really like to know.


  1. Danny says:

    I could almost taste it while I was reading that review. I MUST have this burger the next time I go to Wendy’s. Wendy’s is the best fast food out there, its just so fresh and tasty, like slow food!

  2. DHonour says:

    MMMM Burger.
    I always wondered who eats those Larger than Large Burgers. Congrats. I fell full after your review.
    I’ll continue to check back for further food reviews. So out of 5 napkins, how many would you give to this heart attack on a bun delight? I’m guessing 4 or 5 out of 5 napkins.


  3. John says:

    I have to give it five napkins. The Baconator knows what it is, is proud of what it is, and tastes great.

    Five is also the number of years it took off of my life.

  4. Cherie says:

    You just brought the Baconater to life! It truly is a delectable, mouth-watering masterpiece of fast-food cuisine!

  5. John says:

    Thank you, Cherie! Wendy’s called, and they’re going to pay to have this review carved into my tombstone when my aorta explodes at 39.

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