“Oh, John, after dinner can we please go back to your house for pillows and blankets and movies and snacks?”

Big thanks to our very good friend Bill “Jett” Ramey, the hardest working Batman fan on the planet, for posting this list of all the television appearances the cast of The Dark Knight will be making over the next two weeks to promote the film.

It’s actually less than two weeks.

Because that’s how close we are.

Wow-wow-wowie-wow-wow.

Using Jett’s master list as a template, let’s break this down by day.

Tuesday, July 8

Aaron Eckhart will be Jay’s guest on The Tonight Show. Eckhart plays Harvey Dent, the Gotham City District Attorney who basically becomes the Batman of the legal system and stands up to the mobsters and the freaks — until the bad guys turn him into one of them in an acid attack that creates one of Batman’s most classic and tragic villains: Two-Face.

Friday, July 11

Michael Caine also visits The Tonight Show. He’s reprising his Batman Begins role as Alfred Pennyworth, Bruce Wayne’s trusted butler, partner, friend and voice of reason. When Bruce actually listens, of course.

Monday, July 14

Christian Bale is on The Today Show. This is the man who took us inside the heart of Bruce Wayne while still delivering our most capable Batman yet.

Gary Oldman, meanwhile, does double duty on The View and Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Oldman is back in the badge as Jim Gordon, the Gotham City police lieutenant who joins Batman and Harvey Dent in their quest to rid the city of crime and corruption … until The Joker (Heath Ledger) decides that he wants to play, too.

Tuesday, July 15

Morgan Freeman is on The Today Show. Freeman brings us round two of Wayne Enterprises CEO (and Batman’s gadget man) Lucius Fox in The Dark Knight.

And later that day, Freeman joins Sir Michael Caine on The View.

Action packed!

Then tune in to The Late Show with David Letterman that night for more Aaron Eckhart.

Wednesday, July 16

My sweet, sweet Maggie Gyllenhaal is on The Today Show in the morning and The Late Show that night. Gyllenhaal plays Bruce Wayne’s childhood friend and should-have-been sweetheart Rachel Dawes, who’s now a Gotham City District Attorney in her own right. If the trailers are any indication, I’m bracing myself for some very heartbreaking stuff to go down between Rachel and Bruce as she tries to move on with her life and he deals with the realities of handing over his own life to a mission.

Thursday, July 17

Maggie swings by Live with Regis & Kelly, where Regis will probably ask her some very ridiculous questions, and I’ll want to swing in on my gas-powered magnetic grapple gun and save her.

That night, Aaron Eckhart shows up on Conan.

Friday, July 18

The big day! I’ll have seen the film at this point and I can’t believe we’re so close.

Maggie Gyllenhaal’s on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

More to come as Jett gets more tips and updates!