I always laugh myself into stomach cramps at that scene in The 40-Year-Old Virgin where Paul Rudd’s character is watching The Bourne Identity (in the middle of a heated argument) and out of nowhere he says, “You know, I always thought that Matt Damon was, like, a Streisand, but I think that he’s rockin’ the shit in this one!”

I never thought Matt Damon was a Streisand, but I love what he’s done in the Bourne movies. Here’s a rundown of The Bourne Ultimatum, which opened this weekend and is “rockin’ the shit” in more ways than you can even imagine.

Action: A+

Acting: A+

Intrigue: A+

Julia Stiles: A+

Espionage: A+

Matt Damon’s physical/emotional dedication: A+

Car chases: A+

Motorcycle chases: A+

Joan Allen: A++, bordering on a new level of “A” that hasn’t been invented yet and could possibly be referred to as “A-Platinum”

Unpredictability: A+

Suspense: A+

Casting: A+

It’s one of the best movies I’ve ever seen, with an ending that keeps you guessing and sweating and worrying until the very last second.

Totally awesome.

That’s all I’ll say about it. You just have to see it for yourself.

And.

My undying love and dedication to Julia Stiles, her brown eyes, her kissable lips and her face carved by the gods from the finest porcelain is a given.

But this movie really renewed my major crush on Joan Allen, who returns as Pamela Landy.

I want her to get her own movie. Like, The Landy Insurrection. Or something like that.

Seriously. Go see it. You’ll love it.

And make sure you watch The Bourne Supremacy before you go, because a large chunk of this movie actually takes place during The Bourne Supremacy.