Category Archives: Whatever

The Whatever: The Best Movies of 2008

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And here … we … go …

whatever

What are the 10 best movies you saw this year?

(Last year’s are here.)

10. Get Smart. Seriously. Original review here.

9. Rambo. If you listen closely, this movie is saying, “Hello, My Audience. Sylvester Stallone here. I know exactly what you want, and I’m going to give it to you, only I’m going to give it to you even better than you’re expecting, with one of the most appropriate and surprisingly beautiful endings you’ll see all year, especially for a movie as lean and as mean as this one.” As my buddy Mike said, “There’s a lot of bad in this movie … but it’s really good!”

8. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Say what you will about this movie. I loved it. I had a ton of fun with it. Harrison Ford was 100% reporting for duty, and the first half of this movie — Indy in the Atomic Age! McCarthyism! UFO mumbo jumbo! — is as exciting and as wonderful as anything in Raiders or The Last Crusade. Original review here.

7. The Incredible Hulk. Original review here.

6. Iron Man. Original review here.

5. Appaloosa. Ed Harris co-writes and directs this adaptation of Robert Parker’s well-regarded Western novel, with an invaluable co-starring assist by Viggo Mortensen. Virgil Cole (Harris) and Everett Hitch (Mortensen) are peacekeepers hired by the small town of Appaloosa, which is being held in the unforgiving grasp of evil rancher Randall Bragg (Jeremy Irons) and his gang of vile bastards. Things get complicated by a girl (played pitch-perfectly by the ever-adorable Renee Zellweger) who can’t stand to be alone and a landscape that’s changing faster than the black-and-white days of good guys and bad guys can keep up with. The film has lots of slower moments, but they’re filled with so many delightful and effortlessly acted character moments that you won’t mind at all. Can’t wait to enjoy this again on Blu-ray on January 13.

4. Quantum of Solace. I read lots of complaints that this movie doesn’t have a story. Of course it has a story. It’s called Casino Royale, and Quantum of Solace is particularly effective if you watch its predecessor immediately before viewing it. Daniel Craig immediately became my all-time favorite Bond upon his debut in 2006, and he proves again here that if you try to kill Bond, Bond will a) kill you first and b) kill you the worst. This is a lean, mean revenge movie, and yet when Bond tells M (Judi Dench) that he’s still driven by his duty, you know he’s telling the truth. Many critics trashed this for not having any romance, but Bond and Camille (Olga Kurlyenko) were every bit the “damaged goods” the villainous Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric) observed them to be. They were two broken souls who wanted bloody, righteous revenge, and a romance wouldn’t have been believable, particularly given the hole in Bond’s heart left by Vesper. And then there’s the final scene, that says everything I’ve ever needed to know about James Bond and sets 007 free to become even more formidable in the next installment. I can’t wait to see where they take it.

3. Hellboy II: The Golden Army. Bigger, funnier, and infinitely more magical and action-packed than the first one. And if not for Heath Ledger’s Joker, Luke Goss’s dangerous, nuanced Prince Nuada would take the gold as the year’s most formidable villain. Original review here.

2. The X-Files: I Want to Believe. Beautiful, moving, and everything I needed it to be — and more. Original review here.

1. The Dark Knight. I still haven’t written a review of this because I still don’t know how to approach it in a way that can do it justice. It’s one year after the events of Batman Begins. Bruce Wayne’s alter-ego Batman (Christian Bale), Lt. Jim Gordon (Gary Oldman), and District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart) have got the scum of Gotham City on the run. Bruce sees in Dent the kind of hero (and a symbol of hope) he thinks he can never be — a man who stands against crime and corruption without having to wear a mask. He also sees his last chance for a normal life with lifelong best friend and lovely legal eagle Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal), whose own relationship with Dent is more than just business. But The Joker (Heath Ledger), an agent of chaos who unleashes his heinous plans with great and terrible glee, has other ideas. And in the end, the only thing Bruce and his friends can give to stop this monster’s march toward anarchy … is everything. My sincerest thanks go out to my friend Kareem (and his family and friends) for hosting me this summer in Los Angeles and sharing this once-in-a-lifetime movie experience.

And now … it’s your turn.

The Whatever: The Worst Movies of 2008

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To be followed soon by the 10 best.

What are the 10 worst movies you saw this year?

10. Punisher: War Zone. Somewhere under this mess of neon lights and stereotypes is the best Punisher movie since the 1989 one with Dolph Lundgren. Ray Stevenson is good as the Punisher. Wayne Knight is good as his arms dealer. Stephanie Janusauskas is really good as the little girl of an undercover federal agent the Punisher accidentally kills, and her moments with Stevenson are directed with motherly care by gorgeous kickboxing champion Lexi Alexander. But I was hoping that an action-oriented female director would inject something fresh, gritty, and real into the action scenes, and instead all we get is jerky editing and stupid, over-the-top kills. (Like when you expect the Punisher to jam the cocaine-sniffing henchman’s vial through his eye, but instead he punches his fist all the way through the guy’s face.) There were rumors that Alexander was removed from the film during the editing process, but I think the real culprit is the screenplay. Had this been leaner, meaner, and more consistent, I think it would have been a lot better.

9. Wanted. Slick, stylish, and more entertaining than it really has a right to be, this still feels like it was made by 13-year-old boys for 13-year-old boys. It’s not as childish as most of the graphic novel that inspired it, but it does trade in the graphic novel’s clever superhero satire for … a magical loom of destiny? What? It’s also easy to figure out all of the film’s twists because of hints and red herrings that are presented far too early and obviously.

8. Doomsday. I love movies that are comfortable with what they are and don’t try to be something they’re not. If Doomsday had stuck to its promise of giving us a couple of hours of the ludicrously hot Rhona Mitra pulling a Mad Max on the psychotic inhabitants of a blasted, post-apocalyptic wasteland, I’d have been fine with that. But it takes too many detours and takes itself too seriously. Director Neil Marshall had the perfect formula with Dog Soldiers, but started to show some troubling trends in The Descent. Sometimes less is more, especially when what’s less is still way damn good.

7. The Happening. The Sixth Sense is amazing. Unbreakable is awesome. Signs is one of the most awesomely terrifying films I’ve ever seen, and there are scares, heroics, and morality plays aplenty in The Village. But even though I understood what writer/director M. Night Shyamalan was doing in Lady in the Water, he still lost me with it. With The Happening, he seemingly lost every bit of knowledge he ever had about suspense, pacing, and plot. Embarrassing and appallingly bad. And obvious. Yikes.

6. Cloverfield. I did like the monster. I really, really did. But I found it hard to root for a protagonist whose own brother called him a douchebag … because he was such a douchebag.

5. Hancock. Peter Berg directed my favorite film from last year — The Kingdom. And the first half of Hancock is as fun and as entertaining as anything you’ll see all year. But then the film takes a crazy, nonsensical turn that devolves it into a ham-fisted mess. Will Smith and Charlize Theron get the worst of the collateral damage here despite their best efforts; only Jason Bateman emerges relatively unscathed.

4. Vantage Point. No more gimmicks! Every few minutes this heavy-handed political thriller stops and rewinds itself onscreen in a spectacularly annoying manner, so that we can see everything happen from another character’s point of view. It gets old really quickly, and the big reveal is revealed too early, leaving the final segment gasping for thrills.

3. You Don’t Mess with the Zohan. Please don’t mess with You Don’t Mess with the Zohan. Most of my all-time favorite films are comedies, and Adam Sandler is hilarious, but I don’t think I laughed once during this.

2. Bangkok Dangerous. It should have been called Nicolas Cage Disastrous. Frustrating and unintentionally hilarious, despite the fact that Cage remains incapable of giving a bad performance even in something as god-awful as this.

1. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Awkward, uninspired, and ultimately the perfect example of how to kill a franchise.

(Last year’s losers are here.)

The Whatever: Whatever Are You Up To?

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Welcome to this week’s (late) Whatever, where I ask you a question and you give me five answers.

This was originated, of course, by Bob, and you are welcome to go back and answer his old Whatevers and the ones I’ve posed since taking over.

Tell me five things you’ve done lately.

I …

1. … went to Indianapolis the day before Labor Day and atteneded one of the best cookouts of my life at Gabe and Beth’s house. Bob’s photos are here, and these two (featuring my best little friends Oliver and Lucy) are my favorites:

2. … spent a lot of time being concerned about things being chronicled on Bob’s new site, The Donkey Show.

3. … got some bitchin’ new headphones for Sweet Lorelai. (She’s my iPod.) My Apple-issue ear-buds were coming apart after years of use, and the new Sennheisers totally blow them away. First song listened to was Garrison Starr‘s “Beautiful in Los Angeles,” and it was like I was hearing all those swirling atmospherics and blazing harmonies (with Glen Phillips) for the first time all over again.

4. … tried out the Sitar Indian buffet near my new home on Bardstown Road in Louisville. It’s amazing. There’s a much better variety (for the cheaper price of $6.99) than the buffet at Kashmir, and instead of giving you one can of Coke (like they do at Kashmir), Sitar keeps the fountain soda coming. And that makes me happy. Highly recommended.

5. … ate at Havana Rumba with my friend Mindy. The pollo a la milanesa — a lightly breaded chicken breast covered in ham that’s covered in cheese with tomato sauce and rice and plantains on the side — was so big it was drooping off the plate. I ate over half of it and my plate was still literally full of food. The rest of it will be my lunch today, except for the bit of it I ate at about 9:30 last night.

Your turn!

The Whatever: Forgotten Foods

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This week’s idea courtesy of Bob, who originated the Whatever on Bob-Net.

Tell me about five things you liked to eat or drink but can’t because they don’t make them anymore.

1. The McDLT. This was, for quite some time, my flagship fast-food burger. It came in that double polystyrene package with the burger and bottom bun on one side and the top bun with the lettuce and tomatoes and condiments on the other, to keep “the hot side hot and the cool side cool.” This was, of course, environmentally devastating, but we didn’t know everything then that we know now. It was such a good burger. And maybe it was all in my head, but the experience of putting it together yourself really did make it taste better. McDonald’s later tried to replace it with the McLean Deluxe and the Arch Deluxe, but nothing ever matched the McDLT’s greatness. They do have the Big N’ Tasty now, which is good, but it’s just not the same. Not quite. And nothing ever will be.

2. Kroger used to have their generic Big K Cola … with Lime. And it was so good. Now they only have the Lime-flavored cola in Diet. I liked it. I miss it.

3. I know they still exist elsewhere, but I miss having a Boston Market nearby. Good chicken. Good sides. Ooh-la-la.

4. Duffy’s! Duffy’s was a burger joint in downtown New Albany, Indiana. Their burgers were like big White Castles — steamy with lots of onions. Put a little ketchup on there and it was heaven. It’s been closed for a long time.

5. The Royal Burger, from the late, great Druther’s in Corydon, Indiana. My parents got me lots of those on our way home from visiting my grandparents in Ramsey.

You don’t have to do this one if it’s going to make you as sad as it’s made me.

I need a McDLT and a Big K Cola with Lime to wash down my grief.

Oh, wait …

The Whatever: Mix Masters

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Let’s do a Whatever.

(And you’re more than welcome to go back and do the old ones, too.)

What five songs do you have to put on every mix-tape you make?

These don’t have to be your favorite five songs of all time. They just need to be songs that you absolutely have to share with other people when you make them mix-tapes.

1. “Never Say Never,” by that dog.

You can watch the video right here. Please do. It rocks, and it’s ridiculously, deliriously fun. People always comment on this one. Anna Waronker’s lead vocal = hot. And the harmonies by the Haden sisters? Delicious. Moog AND violin on the same song? Check. Truly one of the greatest tracks of all time.

2. “Thankful,” by Glen Phillips.

Glen wrote and sang the songs for Toad the Wet Sprocket. “Thankful” comes from his monumentally awesome Winter Pays for Summer album, zooming along on smart lyrics with whirling instruments that could power a space shuttle. Plus it clocks in at under three minutes, which is good for a mix-tape because you can fit more songs on it.

3. “Summertime,” by The Sundays.

Music video here. The punchy horns. Harriet Wheeler’s voice. This song is like being on a ferris wheel with someone you love … in the summertime.

4. “Beautiful in Los Angeles,” by Garrison Starr.

An atmospheric power-pop rocker from a gal who sounds like no one else who’s ever made music. Backing vocals by our old buddy Glen Phillips.

5. “Think Bad Thoughts,” by Kay Hanley.

Two bands ruled the 1990s for me: Toad the Wet Sprocket and Letters to Cleo. Kay wrote and sang the songs for the Cleo gang; for my money, she’s got the best voice in rock music. “Think Bad Thoughts” is from her most recent solo album, Weaponize, and when I tell you that you need it in your life, you know I’m telling the truth.

A few others: “Bring Me Up” or “Let’s Forget About It” (video here) by Lisa Loeb, “Question” by the Old 97′s, “Delirious Love” by Neil Diamond, “F.N.T” by Semisonic, “We’re the Same” by Matthew Sweet, “The Morning Sad” by Veruca Salt, “Sweetest Decline” by Beth Orton, “All I Can Do” by Chantal Kreviazuk, and “I Want You” by Rachael Yamagata. That’s a lot more than five.

And every mix-tape I make from now on will probably end with “Sweetest Angel,” from the new Jonatha Brooke album, The Works, that I got in the mail yesterday. You should go to her store and buy one, too, because it’s awesome. “Sweetest Angel” is a duet by Jonatha and Glen Phillips; it’s a lovely, simple little acoustic number with effortlessly gorgeous harmonies by two of my absolutely favorite voices of all time. “So let me come as close as I can, lay me down beside you. Here’s a word I’d like to whisper; I’d like to have you listen.” Amazing.

Your turn!

The Whatever: Star Wars Edition

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Monday means it’s time for another edition of …

… and, as always, you can check out previous installments and contribute to your heart’s content.

I don’t know what to make of this Star Wars: The Clone Wars animated thing that’s coming to a theater near us this Friday, but I know what I think of the other Star Wars movies, so …

Tell me your five favorite Star Wars movie moments.

1. I love it in Return of the Jedi, when Luke is walking the plank and he stops at the edge and the music lets you know something big is coming. He jumps off — what?! — but spins around in mid-air, catches the edge of the plank, flips himself back up on the skiff, and catches the lightsaber that R2-D2 just fired at him from atop Jabba’s barge, all while the music swells and explodes into crazy awesomeness. I love the little look he gives the lightsaber when it ignites without blowing his hand off, kind of like, “Whew, I actually made this thing correctly.” The green blade was a big thing for me as a kid, too, because that was cool and new.

2. Leia: “I love you.” Han: “I know.”

3. Han’s mumbling jabber with the intercom in the Death Star’s detention center. “Everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re all fine here, now. Thank you. How are you?” And then when he realizes the jig is so far up that there wasn’t really even a jig in the first place, he shoots the microphone as if that’s going to solve anything. “Luke! We’re going to have company!” Honorable mention to the fact that Luke, Han and Chewie are all facing the wrong way when the elevator opens and they have to turn around. I laugh every time; that’s the kind of humor and wit I missed in the crappy prequels.

4. The look on Lando’s face when he sees Luke for the first time in the hallway on Bespin, leading to a shootout between Luke and Boba Fett and Leia’s warning to Luke that it’s a trap (as if he would have listened to anybody at that point anyway), and then it all builds to the dangerous elegance of the lightsaber duel between Luke and Darth Vader on the stairs of the carbon-freeze chamber on Bespin.

5. The look on Han’s face when he finally gets it that Leia loves Luke because … he’s her brother. Classic.

Your turn!

And if you don’t Star Wars, just give me five reasons why you think it’s silly.

The Whatever: Cover Song Extravaganza

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It’s Monday, so here … we … go.

It’s another two-parter.

And!

Please go back and do the previous ones, too.

What are your five favorite cover songs of all time?

1. Jonatha Brooke ends her Back in the Circus album with a beautiful, heartbreaking reworking of the Alan Parsons Project’s “Eye in the Sky”; the way she sings “the sun in your eyes made some of the lies worth believing” is one of her all-time top “whoa, my heart has done what her voice just did” moments. Whew.

2. “Cruel to Be Kind,” by Letters to Cleo. Everybody loves their cover of Cheap Trick’s “I Want You to Want Me” from the 10 Things I Hate About You soundtrack, and it’s awesome, but their reworking of Nick Lowe’s “Cruel to Be Kind” is a better song for them as a band. Kay Hanley’s vocal rocks off the socks, and the guys come in for some killer backing vocals.

3. “Should I Stay or Should I Go,” by Living Colour. This rocked-up cover of the Clash classic was the B-side on the cassette single of the radio hit “Type” from their epic Time’s Up album; I listened to it until the tape wouldn’t play anymore and feared I’d lost it forever. Luckily they slapped it at the end of the 2002 remastered re-release of their landmark 1988 debut, Vivid. You can’t go wrong with Vernon Reid’s raging guitars, Will Calhoun’s thunderous drums, and Corey Glover’s vocals that go everywhere from confused to furious to hot-buttered soulful. Honorable mention to their scorching version of Hendrix’s “Crosstown Traffic” from the Stone Free tribute compilation.

4. Fiona Apple’s “Across the Universe” is dreamy, dreamy, dreamy.

5. Chantal Kreviazuk’s cover of Randy Newman’s “Feels Like Home” is a perfect wedding song if I ever heard one; I think she’s not a woman at all but actually a wild gust of raw, feminine energy that’s occasionally bottled up just long enough to be brought into a studio to lay down some tracks. Honorable mention to her brilliant version of “Leavin’ on a Jet Plane.”

And when you’re finished with that …

What five songs would you love to hear covered by what five artists?

1. Glen Phillips (from Toad the Wet Sprocket and his own excellent solo career) needs to do a cover of Neil Diamond’s “Forever in Blue Jeans.” Or any Neil Diamond cover. I’d actually like to hear him do one of Neil’s older scorchers, like “You Got to Me.”

2. Jonatha Brooke has a song called “How Deep Is Your Love?”, but it’s an original song and not the Bee Gees version. I’d still love to hear her do a huge, lushly produced cover of theirs.

3. Garrison Starr could rock the living hell out of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene.”

4. I’d love to hear Fiona Apple do an entire album of old-timey standards, produced by Jon Brion and featuring the kids from Nickel Creek as guests.

5. New Edition. Under the Blue Moon, Vol. 2. That’s all I’m saying.

The Whatever: Mid-2008 Movie/Music Summit

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Hey, Gang,

It’s time for this week’s Whatever, and please feel free to go back and contribute to past installments.

I’m still working hard on my review of The Dark Knight, which has been delayed because I spent my weekend beating deadlines for real publications. (Not that my own little website here isn’t real, but you know what I mean.)

And I loved The Dark Knight so much, and I have so much to say about it, that I don’t want to sell it short with a review that isn’t worthy of it.

So, I’m working on it.

In the meantime, let’s do this:

What are the five best movies you’ve seen so far this year?

(Click here for a list of everything that’s been out this year if you need to jog your memory.)

1. The Dark Knight

I’ve been thrilled by movies. I’ve been moved by movies. I’ve never seen one that did both of those things to me as capably and as confidently as this modern-day masterpiece.

2. The X-Files: I Want to Believe

Given how badly the TV show ended, I was terrified about this one. But this beautiful, moving movie was exactly what I needed. “The truth is out there,” but this is more concerned with the truths within: conscience and faith, forgiveness, hope, and a whole lot of love in the face of paralyzing darkness and doubt. The investigation is gruesome and massively disturbing, but it’s secondary. This movie is all about Fox William Mulder and Dr. Dana Katherine Scully. Believe it.

3. Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Make no mistake. This is not Mike Mignola’s Hellboy from the comics. It’s Guillermo del Toro’s Hellboy as lovingly endorsed by Mike Mignola, and that’s okay by me. It’s fun, it’s funny, and it has lots more action, monsters, and imagination than the first one. (And the scene where Hellboy and Abe drown their sorrows in beer and Barry Manilow is an instant classic.)

4. Iron Man

This movie is fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, thanks to Jon Favreau’s smart presentation and Robert Downey Jr.’s massively charismatic performance.

5. The Incredible Hulk

Though not as fun as Iron Man, it’s just as good in different ways. Respectful of the spirit of the television series (with crowd-pleasing cameos by Lou Ferrigno and even Bill Bixby) but action-packed in the spirit of the early comics, it’s a lean, mean movie that moves well and features stellar work by Ed Norton and Liv Tyler.

Honorable mentions: Despite how unapologetically vicious it is, Rambo is actually a very beautiful movie. I was bothered by some technical things about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but Harrison Ford was every bit as Indiana Jones as he’s ever been. Get Smart was a lot of fun, too, with a surprising amount of truly thrilling action. Well done, Steve Carell.

And since I didn’t do a Whatever on either of the weeks I was on vacation, here’s a bonus question:

What are the five best albums you’ve bought so far in 2008?

(And if you haven’t seen five movies or bought five records, just tell me about the ones you’ve liked. Just make sure they were released in 2008.)

1. Kay Hanley: Weaponize

Letters to Cleo graduates Kay Hanley (vocals and lyrics) and USA Mike (production and guitars) — partners in marriage, music, and massive amounts of amazing — are back and better than ever with a dazzling rock record that will blow your socks so far off that you’ll never find them again. Just go to Kay’s MySpace and listen to “Think Bad Thoughts” and try to tell me I’m wrong. What’s that? You can’t? I thought so. And when Nina Gordon drops by to lay down some sunny backing vocals on “Cellars by Starlight,” well, that’s about as sweet as it gets.

2. Glen Phillips: Secrets of the New Explorers

Toad the Wet Sprocket’s singer and songwriter blasts off into new orbits with this always beautiful, sometimes quirky, ever-brilliant space-themed exploration of self, life, and love in the great beyond.

3. Neil Diamond: Home Before Dark

This warm, weathered album really helped me put some bad times into perspective earlier this year, and it gets better with every listen. Natalie Maines shows up on the gorgeous duet “Another Day (That Time Forgot),” and the rollicking “Forgotten” should be required listening for anyone who’s been dumped. Brilliant stuff. A lot of this album sounds like it could be stripped-down acoustic versions of songs Neil would have written back at the absolute height of his talent and popularity, and I hope he’s got another one as good as this one in him. What am I saying? Of course he does. He’s Neil Diamond.

4. Old 97′s: Blame It on Gravity

Rhett Miller and the boys ride again, and they’re above and beyond the top of their game with this bold, boozy, brilliant collection that’ll leave you dancing and smiling and begging for more. I can’t get enough of it.

5. She & Him: Volume I

Blue-eyed beauty Zooey Deschanel sings the songs with earnest charm, and M. Ward makes sure the music sounds like a love-letter to old-school California AM radio pop. My favorite song is the string-laden bopper “Sweet “Darlin’,” co-written by Deschanel and Jason Schwartzman.

The album I’m most looking forward to in the second half of 2008 is Jonatha Brooke’s The Works, featuring a duet with Glen Phillips (and they’re also touring together, so please go see that if you can) called “Sweetest Angel” that I can’t wait to hear.

And … your turn!

The Whatever: Comic Book Movies

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It’s Monday.

So let’s do this.

And please check out previous installments here.

With The Dark Knight coming soon, what are your five favorite superhero movies, and what do you think are the five worst?

I know that some of you haven’t seen many superhero movies, so, if you haven’t seen enough to make a list, just tell me your five favorite superheroes.

And here … we … go:

The Best:

1. Batman Begins

Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale show us the heart of Bruce Wayne while still giving us our most capable Batman. And the supporting cast is one of the finest ever assembled.

2. Superman 2

Christopher Reeve. Christopher Reeve. Christopher Reeve.

3. Spider-Man 2

One of the greatest sequels ever made and easily one of my all-time favorite movies of any kind. Ever felt like your best wasn’t enough no matter how hard you tried? Ever felt like everything you do goes wrong and hurts the people you care about, even when you think you’re trying to protect them? When it comes to comic book movies, this beauty is an epic.

4. The Incredible Hulk

Ed Norton honors the spirit of the television series (and the early comics) with gamma-sized doses of action and heart. And Liv Tyler takes my breath away. Review here.

5. X2: X-Men United

Kelly Hu called my house!

The Worst:

1. Superman Returns

Review here.

2. Spider-Man 3

Review here.

3. Hulk

Review here.

4. The Punisher (2004)

Review here.

5. Ghost Rider

Doesn’t deserve a review.

The Whatever: Acting!

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There are TWO this week!

Who are your five favorite actors, and what’s your favorite performance by each, and then who are your five favorite actresses, and what’s your favorite performance by each?

(Sorry to double up, but we’ve got some big Whatevers coming up and I didn’t want to spread this out over two weeks. Besides, you guys are you guys, and I know you can do it.)

ACTORS

1. Harrison Ford. It’s got to be Indiana Jones in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I like Ford because he’s fearless in the sense that he’s not afraid to show vulnerability, be it physical fear in a fist-fight or emotional fear like in the scene in Patriot Games when Jack Ryan comes apart while trying to tell his wife that their daughter’s spleen has to be removed after they were almost killed by terrorists. For my money, he’s the greatest actor of all time.

2. Bill Murray. From the man who made me laugh in What About Bob? to the man who made me cry in Lost in Translation, Murray delivers in everything he does. As brilliant as his work was in the Wes Anderson outings he’s been in, including Rushmore, which is my favorite film of all time, I’m going to have to go back to the work he did in What About Bob? as a dazzling piece of sociopathic comic insanity.

3. Steve Martin. Like Murray, he can turn on a dime from hilarious to heartfelt. I loved him in Bowfinger but I’m going to have to go with Father of the Bride as his finest hour. My parents always let me watch his movies when I was little, and I thank them for that.

4. Denzel Washington. He’s awesome in everything, but he’s a man on fire in Man on Fire. Or that speech he lays down in The Siege: “Come on General! You’ve lost men! I’ve lost men! But you — You! — you can’t do this! What if they don’t even want the sheik? Have you considered that? What if what they really want is for us to herd our children into stadiums, like we’re doing? And put soldiers on the street, and have Americans looking over their shoulders? Bend the law, shred the Constitution just a little bit? Because if we torture him, General … we do that, and everything we have fought, and bled, and died for is over. And they’ve won. They’ve already won!” Whoa.

5. Christian Bale. This guy can do anything. And even though he showed us the heart of Bruce Wayne while still creating our most ferocious and powerful Batman, my favorite performance is his inspiring turn in Rescue Dawn, in which he plays a prisoner of war whose indomitable spirit brings so much hope to his fellow captives that they plan one of the craziest and most dangerous escapes in history. Bale brings total physical and emotional dedication to every role he takes on. Bravo, sir.

ACTRESSES

1. Cate Blanchett. She’s ethereal, and versatile, and utterly amazing in everything she’s in. But as much as I love all the characters she’s created, her channeling of Katharine Hepburn in The Aviator is otherworldly.

2. Maggie Gyllenhaal. Like Christian Bale, Maggie’s another entertainer who’s gotten to the level she’s at by being totally emotionally and physically fearless. That’s why I’ve said before and I’ll say again that it’s hard to find a hotter case of the hots than the hots I’ve got for Maggie Gyllenhaal. She really grabbed me as Giselle in Mona Lisa Smile because I’ve known that kind of girl before and Maggie captured it perfectly. And one time, when I was in Chicago, I passed her on the street, and she is 11 times more beautiful in person than she is on screen. If that’s even possible. And it is. I should have said something. Oh, well.

3. Laura Linney. Beautiful, earnest, capable Laura Linney. Put her in something and I immediately believe her. I particularly loved her as the small-town sheriff in The Mothman Prophecies, which scares me to death just thinking about it.

4. Lauren Graham. Like Laura Linney, I immediately believe everything that comes out of her mouth. Her body of work as Lorelai Gilmore — in more ways than one, WHAMMY! — is the most powerful proof on the planet that the Emmy Awards are a friggin’ joke. And she makes me laugh. I love her.

5. Tina Fey. This girl came out of nowhere and has become one of the great comic actresses of all time, in a very short time. Though Baby Mama was beneath her, she was excellent in it. But as Liz Lemon on NBC’s 30 Rock, she’s as funny and as brilliant as they come. And sexy beyond all comprehension. “Chocolate! Chocolate! ACK!”

Your turn!